Women Long for Compassion Too
Every man dreams of having a woman who can please him on many different levels. One that fulfills his desires, stimulates him intellectually and soars with him to new spiritual heights. A unique woman that will not only be a source of comfort, but also a source of strength. It is very easy to dream and have expectations of your spouse but what do YOU have to do in order to attract a woman with these qualities and keep her giving at that level?
Generally, men are quite puzzled by women. They are not sure what to do or say to please the women in their lives. Whatever they do seems to get them in trouble. Since most men have this confusion, they simply stop trying. This lack of effort from men creates frustration and discontentment. Most women feel extremely dissatisfied in their marriage. Within my practice as a marriage therapist, I have heard from dozens of women who have a long list of complaints about their husbands. These complaints lead to deep rooted unhappiness and many times divorce. One of the top 5 complaints of women about their husbands is: LACK OF COMPASSION.
Men have different ways of expressing their feelings and emotions. Some express their love and concern for the family by simply working hard and providing the very best. They feel that the time they spend at work is an emotional deposit because they are putting so much effort so that their family can be comfortable. Unfortunately, this form of expression of love is generally not sufficient for most women. Women expect the men in their lives to connect with them on an emotional level, provide support and have fun together. The best of you are those who are the best to their wives.” (at-Tirmidhi)
Here are some suggestions in showing compassion so that you can connect with your wife on an emotional level:
- Tell your wife you love her daily – don’t make it just a once a year event.
- Never enter or leave the house without a proper greeting. Let her feel that you are happy to see her and that you will miss her when you leave.
- Make daily deposits in your emotional bank account with your wife by being understanding, forgiving, cooperative and by using words of endearment.
- Call your wife or send sweet messages during the day. “…And live with them in kindness…” (Nisaa 4:19)
- Eat at least one meal a day together and spend time sharing what you have done.
- Give lots of compliments.
- If she is feeling sad or angry, show her love and compassion by hugging her. If she says she doesn’t want to talk about it, she doesn’t mean it… you just have to insist sweetly.
- Learn to apologize. Even if you were not wrong apologize for making her feel bad. Win her heart not the argument! Amazing what two little words (I’m sorry) can do.
- Get her gifts and flowers so she feels that you thought of her. It doesn’t have to be something expensive – just a gesture that you were thinking of her. And do good. Truly, Allāh loves the good-doers (Baqara 2:195)
- Be supportive and helpful with the kids. Offer to take care of the kids while she does something (anything) for herself. If she has the chance to recharge she will be a much better wife and a nicer mom!
Haleh Banani is a cognitive behavioral therapist with a Master degree in Clinical Psychology from University of Houston. She has over 15 years experience in diagnosing mental and emotional disorders and administrating programs of treatment. She was the first female to host a program for Al-Fajr TV called “With Haleh” which combines the principles of psychology and Islam to help people reach their full potential and overcome their challenges. Haleh is an internationally published writer and mother of three.