Remarrying After Divorce When You Have Children
Thinking about remarrying after divorce may be complicated enough if you’re single. If you have children, it just gets more complex. However, this shouldn’t keep you from getting into a new relationship and remarrying.
Get counseling first
Depending on the age of your child and the nature of your divorce, you might want to consider attending some counseling sessions with your child before meeting a new person. Children tend to feel that all events revolve around them and need extra attention and re-assurance during and after the divorce. Counseling will also help you put things in perspective and make the right decision second time around.
When starting a new relationship, be honest and tell the man you are getting involved with that you are a divorced, single mother. This way, the cards are on the table from the very beginning and the relationship will develop or end depending on his reaction and your gut feeling.
Children are very sensitive and realize so much more than we give them credit for. If your child asks you whether or not you are seeing someone, be honest without getting into too much detail. It is a vulnerable time for your child, so do not lie because this will cause your child to lose trust in you.
Your child’s father
This might be the most difficult challenge for you, but depending on the circumstances of your divorce, try and let your ex-husband know that you are planning on remarrying. It is better for him to hear the news of your remarriage from you instead of outsiders. After all, the decision that you are taking is ultimately affecting his children as well. Also, having an amicable relationship with your ex-husband will help your child adjust to the new situation in a better way.
If this is not at all possible and you are faced with hostility and threats, get help from someone he respects. You have the right to marry again without having to endure unacceptable behavior from your ex-husband.
Choose the right time
Get to know your future husband well enough before introducing him to your child. Choosing the right timing will be tricky because while you don’t want to introduce this new person too soon because he may not be the “one,” you don’t want to wait too long because you need to see how they will accept each other and you definitely want your child to hear about this relationship from you. Take it step by step and pay attention to your child’s general mood. If he seems well-balanced and adjusted and you feel that the time is right, try a casual get together and take it from there. If your child reacts negatively, wait and give him some more time. There will be other chances. Your child is recovering from the divorce as well and while you might be ready to move on, he may not be.
Choose the right environment
When arranging a first meeting, try and keep it informal and casual. Having other family members present and choosing a public place, like the club or a restaurant, can re-assure your child and make it less formal than a one-on-one at home. Do not expect too much from the first encounter, you must give it time.
It’s normal for your child to not like the person you are involved with at first or even hate him. Be prepared to deal with these feelings in an understanding and patient way. Many children hope their parents will get back together and it can take some time for them to come to the often painful realization that this is not going to be the case.
Let them be
You might be tempted to be involved in every detail of your husband-to-be and your child’s time together. Don’t. Let them get to know each other at their own pace and try not to force them to act in one way or another. They have to figure it out by themselves at some point.
Your life is not over just because you are divorced with children; this is reality for many of today’s women. When you decide to remarry, make a wise decision, take your time and concentrate on what’s really important. A stable home is what’s really important to a child, so if you can provide him with that with a second husband, you’re giving him something truly valuable.
Read also: Getting Married After Divorce
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