Get More Intimate More Often



 Get More Intimate More Often

As women, we desire to have a deep emotional bond with our spouse. We want to be loved and adored. Our inner core is filled with contentment and happiness when we feel understood and appreciated. Making a wish list of traits we want our husband to have is effortless, but bringing out the best in him takes a lot of nurturing.

We need to nourish our spouse daily with love, support and understanding. As a therapist, I have seen numerous men who are disappointed in their marriages. Many are frustrated and confused. Here is a useful tip to improve your marriage: FULFILL HIS PHYSICAL NEEDS.

Intimacy brings about a whole lot of mixed emotions. Some women are not interested at all, some can never get enough and others seem to use it as a way to manipulate their husbands. There really needs to be some frank talk about this subject because I have seen many marriages suffer and fall apart due to problems of intimacy. Women, if you withhold sex from your spouse as either a way to get back at him or to control him, you are making a HUGE MISTAKE.  Sex is not meant to be a manipulative tool; rather it is a way to bring a necessary fulfillment to you and your spouse.  I have had therapy sessions with numerous men who are addicted to porn because their wives show no interest in them or in sex.  Men will feel the urge to fulfill their physical needs and if their wife is never available or interested, then some men will be tempted to either get a second wife or pursue haram (forbidden) avenues.  That is why it’s of paramount importance for women to learn how to satisfy their husbands and to be available for them. Here are some suggestions to improve your intimate relations:

  1. Talk about sex together – the majority of couples have never spoken about it so how can they possibly know what the other person’s likes or dislikes are?
  2. Only encourage with loving words when intimate – never criticize or judge.
  3. Never laugh at your spouse when they are vulnerable and baring it all.
  4. Don’t put pressure on him to perform – a large majority of men have performance anxiety. The more you help him relax,  the less stressed he will be, the better he will be able to perform.
  5. Don’t make sex about having a baby – it will happen if it’s meant to be inshā’Allāh. None of this, “Quick, I’m ovulating” business. The more relaxed you both are, the more enjoyable it will be, which will increase the frequency and the likelihood of getting pregnant.
  6. Ask about each other’s fantasies and as long as they are halal (permissible), then go for it – be accepting and non-judgmental when hearing each other’s fantasies.Your wives are a tilth for you so go to your tilth, Surah Baqara 223. Meaning that you can have sexual relations in any way you want with your spouse as long as it’s halal.
  7. Initiate intimacy – don’t wait for your spouse to make the first move every time.  Be proactive!
  8. Be engaging during sex – don’t make him feel like you are doing him a favor.
  9. Never fake your enjoyment or else he will never learn how to please you.
  10. Communicate during intimacy sharing your likes, dislikes and give gentle directions.


Read also in the ‘Win His Heart’ series: You’re Still My Handsome Prince, Dignify, Honor and Respect Your Man, Never Take Him For GrantedFight Monotony with All Your Might and My Husband, My Friend, My World

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Haleh Banani

Haleh Banani is a cognitive behavioral therapist with a Master degree in Clinical Psychology from University of Houston. She has over 15 years experience in diagnosing mental and emotional disorders and administrating programs of treatment. She was the first female to host a program for Al-Fajr TV called “With Haleh” which combines the principles of psychology and Islam to help people reach their full potential and overcome their challenges. Haleh is an internationally published writer and mother of three.

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