Diary of a Mom

8 Ways We Judge Moms

 

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8 Ways We Judge Moms

We have to admit that we are all nosy people by nature. It’s part of our culture. What we don’t seem to realize (or maybe we do realize it, but just don’t care?) is that when it comes to moms, your nosiness is probably never ever appreciated. Even if you mean well, try to refrain from giving moms ‘advice’. Here are the kinds of judgmental situations moms always seem to find themselves in:

1. Moms who give formula instead of breastfeeding:

I am starting with this one because I was unable to breastfeed both my kids for long, and believe me when I say I have not had a lack of people telling me how wrong this is, or how it’s definitely my fault that I am not producing enough breast milk. I’m probably not drinking enough water, I’m probably not eating enough greens, I’m probably not eating well at all and I’m probably just giving up too fast. Not being able to feed your own children already makes you feel inadequate as a mother, and stressing the mom out makes everything much worse for her. You are not helping by pointing out what you believe she is doing wrong.

One more thing here, if you are a formula mom and feeling bad about it, please don’t. Both my kids were/are on formula and are doing great. Don’t listen to the craziness!

2. Moms who need to leave their kids with nannies/send them to nursery early:

I’m pretty sure that any mom wants to do what’s best for her child. If, for whatever reason, she decides that the best thing for her kid at the time is being left with a nanny or going to nursery, so be it. Don’t tell her about the dangers of doing this, because she probably already knows. Don’t tell her that she is heartless, because that is plain mean. You don’t know what she’s going through or what kind of battle she’s fighting.

3. Moms who get dirty looks when their kids are loud in public:

Most of the time this is from older people, or even from your own friends who are single or just don’t have kids. All kids our loud, it’s a fact of life. We haven’t brought our kids inside of your home and asked them to scream in your ear; we are sitting in a public place where everyone is allowed to hang out. The mom you are staring at is trying to go out and have a good time and is trying her best to control her kids. And while we always try to control them, sometimes it doesn’t work. So if you can’t wipe that look off of your face, then stay at home. It would be better for all of us.

4. Moms who give their children junk food:

Yes, junk food is bad. Yes, moms should control what their kids eat. No, it isn’t any of your business when and how the mom does it. Focus on your own kids. If you don’t have kids, focus on your own self and on your obviously unhealthy kersh.

5. Working moms:

My favorite. People always give your kid sympathetic looks when they find out he/she has a working mom. Being a working mom doesn’t have to automatically mean your children are neglected. You have no idea why this mom is working. And you know what? Even if she doesn’t really need to work and her reason is that she hates staying at home, that’s her business.

6. Telling moms their kids are too skinny / too fat:

Really? Are you really going to body shame a child? Do you realize how low you’ve managed to stoop?

7. Moms who let (or don’t let) their kids celebrate holidays outside of their religion/culture:

This  has become a very hot debate among moms recently. What should we be teaching our children? The answer is whatever you believe to be right. Those are your kids and this is your family, and you can do or not do whatever you want.

8. Stay at home moms:

Weird, right? Isn’t this what most people think moms should be doing anyways? Believe it or not, when I tried to stay at home with my son for a while, I was judged for having no goals and no productive purpose in life. You really can’t win.

Moms, I hope you all realize that you are under no obligation to explain yourselves to anyone. We are all different people and we all do things in different ways. Keep doing what you think is right and hold your head up high, you have the toughest job in the world and you are doing great!

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Naila Al Abbady

I am the mommy of two beautiful children, Adam and Hana. I have recently left my full time job and career to stay at home with my kids, and it’s been challenging trying to find my place in the world. I am a closet nerd whose idea of a good time includes a good book, a cup of coffee, and cookies that I have baked myself. Being a typical introvert, I express myself a lot better through writing than through talking. Writing has always been my passion, and being a mom has driven me to start my own blog to document my journey through motherhood. I am hoping that through my writing, I will get people to rethink some of the ways we approach parenting in our culture and get them to realize that we desperately need to change. I love poking fun at regular everyday situations and try not to take myself too seriously.

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