The Truth About Love and Marriage
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The Truth About Love and Marriage
To have a fulfilling relationship with your husband, it helps to understand what love is all about.
People need to understand what love is before they enter a marriage. Love and marriage are very much interconnected and are usually thought of together. Here is an insight about what love really is, what it cannot do and how to help it grow in a marriage:
Love is a choice.
There are those who view marriage as a matter of destiny, accepting the soul-mate philosophy that everyone has the “right one,” waiting to be found. This is a mystical approach to love and marriage; it is true that each person can be happier with particular people than he or she can with others, but that is because of our natural character rather than mystical reasons. People are meant for each through their own choosing and through their ability to adapt in a relationship rather than because of destiny.
Love is a process.
Many people believe in “love at first sight,” the idea that people fall in love, suddenly and completely, whenever the right person comes along. Love is a process, not a fixed action. We grow in love not fall in love, and the process usually progresses slowly but surely. Mature love starts when the couple gets to know each other, continues throughout the engagement and is finally consummated within marriage.
Lasting love needs a strong foundation.
Love is a triangle, made-up of three essential and equally important components. At the top of the triangle there is passion, and at the base there is intimacy and commitment. Passion is the intense emotion shared between the partners; intimacy is the common experiences, habits and traits; commitment is the common perspective, responsibility, goals and outcome both partners strive for and require from the marriage.
After some time in a marriage, passion usually starts to decrease, and if intimacy and commitment have not been present from the start, tension will start taking its toll on the relationship. Mature love, with intimacy and commitment as the supporting base, is the version of love that is essential to the success of a marriage.
In marriage, the head and the heart are equally important.
To endure, a marriage needs to involve more than physical attraction or romantic infatuation, so you have to use your mind as well as your heart when choosing your lifelong partner. Mature love is one that is an intelligent choosing rather than any mysterious pursuit or intuitive reaching for some ‘signs’. However, this doesn’t mean that love should be forgotten altogether. Marriage is a relationship based on affection and mutual appreciation.
We are attracted to some individuals of the opposite sex because of admiration and respect, and to others because of love and passion. A healthy marriage is based on both the head and the heart, with each on an even keel and strengthening the other. Romantic love alone is too often not enough, but neither is “cool calculation”. It is only when reason becomes softened and made stronger and guided by reason, that genuine, mature love has a chance to grow and endure.
Compatibility helps love along.
Some say that “opposites attract,” but actually, a happy marriage is usually based on the notion that “like attracts like”. Marriages are more successful when the couple is similar in maturity, interests and values, level of education, social and economic status, cultural background such as nationality and religion, and personal characteristics such as temperament and age.
When the couple is alike, they usually have less to adapt to, while wide gaps between them often create stress and demand greater efforts in adjustment. Men and women are already different enough by nature, and so adjustment comes easier between people who are quite alike, for the simple reason that they don’t have as much to adjust to.
The notion that “opposites attract” and that a “mismatch” will make the marriage more fascinating and exciting is false. Before long, the couple’s differences will become more apparent and what seemed interesting in the beginning will only prove to be irritating as time goes on. But then again, a marriage usually has the best chance of succeeding if the partners do not possess similar personality weaknesses, such as bad tempers. In that sense, complementary personalities help make a marriage stronger.
Love does not conquer all.
Sometimes, people have faith in the idea that “love is all that matters,” that if a man and woman are madly in love, they should be willing to give up everything else to have each other. These couples believe that if they are in love and get married, they will be eternally happy regardless of anything else. The other things are important too, things that the head must decide which give love a better chance of maturity and enduring. Love needs to be real-life, and strengthened and controlled by reason. Many heartaches women and men experience during engagement and marriage are connected to this assumption that “Love conquers all.”
Red is red.
How many times have you heard the line, “He’ll change after we get married”? Many people get married with the intention of reforming their partner later. However, more often than not personality traits are lifelong habits that do not change overnight. For that reason, it is better to see the person for what he really is before deciding whether or not to marry him and to adapt if you have chosen to marry him.